Untouched Download What Did The Tudors Think Was Good Sex

So, I was wandering through the British Museum the other day, you know, just casually checking out some ancient artifacts. I mean, who doesn't love a good day trip back in time, right? Anyway, I found myself in front of this Tudor-era painting, and I couldn't help but wonder, what was going on in those Tudor minds when it came to... you know, that stuff. You know what I mean, the birds and the bees, the horizontal tango, the... well, you get the picture.

Tudor Thinking: A Bit Different Than Yours and Mine

Now, before we dive in, let's set the scene. The Tudors, they were a bit different from us. I mean, they were living in a time where the king could have his head chopped off for not wearing the right hat, so their priorities were a bit skewed, if you know what I mean. But that's not to say they didn't have their own unique take on what made for a good time between the sheets.

It's All About the Procreation, Baby

First things first, the Tudors were all about the baby-making. I mean, they were living in a time where having an heir was literally a matter of life and death. I'm talking about you, Henry VIII. So, it's no surprise that their idea of good sex was all about getting the job done, if you catch my drift. It was less about pleasure and more about population growth. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for making little humans, but let's not forget about the fun part, yeah?

And speaking of Henry VIII, let's talk about his eight marriages. Now, we all know he was a bit of a ladies' man, but what you might not know is that he had a bit of a... let's call it a 'unique' idea of what made for a good match. He was all about the political alliances, the power plays. It was less about love and more about who could give him the most heirs and the most power. Romantic, right?

Chastity Belts: The Original Anti-Vaxxer?

Now, let's talk about chastity belts. You know, those medieval contraptions that were supposed to keep women 'pure' until marriage. I mean, let's be real here, they were more about controlling women than they were about anything else. But the Tudors, they were all about them. I mean, they were so convinced that women were just dying to jump into bed with the first guy they saw that they thought these belts were the answer. I mean, come on, guys. A little trust, please?

But here's the thing, there's no real evidence that these belts even existed in the Tudor period. I mean, sure, there are a few examples in museums, but they were probably more about showing off wealth than they were about actual chastity. So, maybe the Tudors weren't as prudish as we thought, huh?

Sex Education: The Tudor Way

Now, you might be thinking, 'Well, how did the Tudors learn about the birds and the bees?' And the answer is, they didn't. I mean, sure, there were a few books floating around, but they were mostly for the rich and the educated. And even then, they were more about how to have a baby than they were about pleasure. I mean, it was all about the mechanics, not the fun part.

And let's not forget about the whole 'women are the gatekeepers of morality' thing. I mean, the Tudors were all about shaming women for having sex outside of marriage. I mean, can you imagine? 'Oh, you had sex before marriage? Scandal!' I mean, come on, guys. It's the 21st century. Let's leave the shaming at the door, yeah?

So, What's the Moral of the Story?

Well, the Tudors, they were a bit different from us. I mean, they were living in a time where sex was all about power and procreation, not pleasure. But that doesn't mean we can't learn a thing or two from them. I mean, maybe we should take a page from their book and focus a little less on the mechanics and a little more on the fun part. I mean, let's be real, that's what it's all about, right?

So, the next time you're feeling a little... shall we say, 'Tudor-esque' in the bedroom, just remember, it's all about the pleasure, not the politics. And if you're feeling a little adventurous, maybe leave the chastity belt at the door. Trust me, your partner will thank you.

And there you have it, folks. The Tudor take on good sex. It's a bit different from ours, but hey, that's history for you. Until next time, keep it fun, keep it consensual, and keep it... well, you know.